Duties - THE BRIDE'S PARENTS

THE BRIDE'S PARENTS

As the parents of the Bride, you are probably faced with a multitude of emotions as your daughter shares her engagement with you.

Her engagement indicates she is about to undertake a rite of passage. You are thrilled to hear of her happy new status. You are a bit nostalgic to realize that your little girl has grown up.

Being involved in the planning for a wedding, of any size, is a major undertaking. You are perhaps feeling a bit overwhelmed about the amount of work and ensuring the success of the party.

It is important to begin discussions immediately with your daughter regarding the size of the wedding, who will pay for what, and other details. This will include discussions with your future son-in-law and his family as well.

As parents, seeing your daughters wedding from a more mature perspective, you may be tempted to make lots of decisions about the wedding for her. It may be hard to allow her to do the planning.

It is only natural that you will want to have input into the process, especially if you will be paying part or all of the expenses. Negotiation is critical. A willingness to trust her good judgment about what will be right for her and her new husband will strengthen the bonds between you.

Although traditionally the Brides parents have been responsible for organizing and financing the entire wedding, that situation is rarely true any longer. Today the Groom 's parents normally participate in the planning and organizing and share part of the costs.

The Bride and Groom contribute from their own money as well. It will be up to you and the other principals to decide how responsibilities and costs will be shared in your particular circumstances.

In the event that you are separated or divorced, your daughter's wedding puts additional stress on you. Her upcoming marriage will perhaps remind you of your own marital difficulties. Your relationship with your former husband (or wife) may be strained and the necessary prenuptial planning as well as the wedding day itself may be tense. During the difficult times, remember that you are both her PARENTS although you are no longer together. She cares for and needs both of you during this time of transition for her.

As well, there may be new parents on the scene - a step-mother and/or step-father. The roles of these people at the wedding vary considerably, depending on the longevity of those relationships, who the Bride lived with during her growing up years, the level of comfort all the principals have with each other, etc. Sensitivity regarding feelings on everyone's part and a willingness to facilitate the smooth flow of the wedding of the new couple will pay dividends long after the wedding day.

Communicating clearly and directly with all concerned is vital. That way, no one will be in for an unpleasant surprise on the wedding day itself.

Also, if one of you or the step-parents is uncomfortable with some of the arrangements, there will be time to discuss it and compromise where possible.

THE MOTHER OF THE BRIDE

As the mother of the Bride, you normally select your outfit once the color scheme has been chosen and the Groom's mother selects her outfit to be a different but coordinating color.

Traditionally, you are the last to be seated before the ceremony (in the front left pew) and the first to rise as your daughter and her husband start down the aisle. You are also the first to be ushered out after the ceremony. You are normally the first person in the receiving line.

You may wish to arrange a few minutes alone with your daughter, perhaps near the end of the reception when she is changing into her going away outfit or near the time of the last dance. This will be an opportunity to share good wishes and special feelings before she and her husband head out into their new life together.

THE FATHER OF THE BRIDE

You are usually expected to make a toast to the Bride or to the couple at the engagement and/or rehearsal parties.

It is your role to escort your daughter to the church and to walk her down the aisle. After escorting your daughter down the aisle, you will sit next to your wife in the first pew.

Should you be separated or divorced from the mother of the Bride, you would normally sit in the third pew.

You are the official host at the reception and are expected to mingle with the guests.

If the clergy member is not available to say grace for the reception meal, you may elect to do this.

Traditionally you are the last to leave the reception after bidding the other guests good bye.

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